Nu er det ved at være et halvt år siden, jeg rykkede teltpælene op og flyttede til Schweiz. Og hvad har jeg så lært af det? Indtil videre. Jeg har før rejst i kortere perioder op til et halvt år, men det her med at flytte permanent til et andet land, sætter gang i nogle helt andre indre processer.
Efter et par måneder i Schweiz begyndte jeg at søge på nettet efter informationer om kulturchok, og det var i sig selv et chok. Der var nemlig ikke særlig meget. Stort set alle de artikler, jeg fandt handlede om, hvordan man havde det og hvad man kunne få ud af at gå igennem et kulturchok. Jeg kunne nikke bekræftende til, hvordan man har det, og det glædede mig, at stort set alle, der har prøvet det, ender med at sige, at det var en virkelig stor personlighedsudvikling. Men det spørgsmål, jeg sad tilbage med var: Men hvordan kommer jeg igennem det? Er der nogle gode råd eller strategier, der kan hjælpe mig? Men her hørte man kun et hult ekko.
En anden ting, der virkelig har chokeret mig i denne proces har været de utrolig dårlige råd, jeg har fået fra folk. Undskyld jeg er ærlig – men jeg er altså dansker... Tre gange forsøgte jeg at tale med nogle missionærer, der havde været længe i mission i andre lande og som jeg tilfældigvis rendte ind i. Alle tre gange fik jeg nærmest en opsang om bare at elske alle disse ”giraffer” omkring mig og acceptere dem, som de var. Ja, det var også hvad jeg ønskede at gøre, men hvordan? Hvorfor var de så forskrækkede over, at jeg viste dem lidt tillid og ærlighed om, hvordan jeg havde det? Havde de virkelig selv glemt alle de følelser, som kogte rundt i dem, da de selv første gang kom til et nyt land? Eller ville de bare ikke indrømme det? Hvor var det befriende, da jeg kom hjem til jul og talte med Lea, der selv har rejst ud som missionær, og hun bare sagde: ”Ja, sådan er det! Sådan føles det. Lige præcis!”
Så inden, jeg selv glemmer al min hårdt tillærte ”visdom”, vil jeg skynde mig at skrive den ned.
For det første hang en sætning fast, som jeg læste om kulturchok, og det var, at det første år, efter man har forladt sit hjemland, er man i en choktilstand. Det synes jeg er godt at vide. Det er OK, at jeg er i chok, at jeg ikke fatter, hvad der foregår omkring mig, at jeg ikke forstår andre kulturers reaktionsmønstre og normer. At mine egne grundværdier gang på gang bliver udfordret og at det er svært. (Jeg har jo så haft den ekstra udfordring, at jeg ikke bare skal forholde mig til Schweiz (for det er egentlig ikke så svært) men til en masse nationaliteter, fordi jeg jo er en del af et multikulturelt team hvor min kultur er en minoritet.)
For det andet er det OK, at jeg ikke har haft det samme overskud. Det er i orden, at jeg ikke med det samme har fået etableret et netværk eller fundet en ny kirke at komme i (selv om det ikke altid virker helt accepteret, når jeg fortæller det til folk i Danmark). Det er i orden, at jeg smækker benene op og ser en DVD næsten hver aften efter arbejdstid, fordi det var det eneste, jeg havde overskud til, de første måneder. Eller tog karbad hver anden aften hele vinteren (bare rolig – Schweiz har ikke vandmangel og vi få vand fra vores egen kilde.)
For det tredje er det vigtigt at have noget at grine af. Der var ærlig talt ikke meget at grine af de første måneder i Schweiz, så jeg begyndte at se et par afsnit af Friends næsten hver aften. Her var der noget bekendt og sjovt. Jeg fik vist set de fleste sæsoner i løbet af et par måneder.
For det fjerde, så må man forkæle sig selv, for det er der nærmest ingen andre, der gør. Der er jo ingen, der elsker en eller ved, hvad der glæder en.
For det femte, så må man have en, der forstår en. Hvis man er gift eller har en ven eller landsmand i nærheden, så har man allerede et vældigt forspring, men hvis man ikke har det, så kan man måske ringe til nogen eller Skype. Men efter et stykke tid, så går det op for en, at hovedparten af ens gamle omgangskreds simpelthen ikke forstår det, man prøver at fortælle dem, og det har nærmest været det allersværeste. Hvis du er ven til en, der gennemgår et kulturchok, så bare lyt eller stil gode spørgsmål! Lad være med at komme med alle de gode råd. De dur ikke! Jeg er ked af at sige det, men sådan er det.
Heldigvis er der jo nogle, som enten forstår en eller lader som om de forstår en. Tak for det!
I denne proces er Gud for mig blevet en endnu vigtigere del af mit liv. Hver eneste dag kan jeg fortælle ham, hvad der går mig på og hvad jeg ikke forstår. Han fordømmer mig ikke. Og hvis han belærer mig, så gør han det med humor og stor visdom. Hurra for Gud.
Jeg har også opdaget, at mine internationale venner, som også har prøvet at flytte land, er blevet af større betydning. Det kan godt være, at de ikke er en del af min hverdag, men det er en glæde, når de kommer forbi vores hovedkvarter, hvilket heldigvis sker jævnligt.
For det syvende så har det været utrolig vigtig for mig at min hjemlige base var i orden. Hvor var det dejligt, at min bror Jacob tog med mig, da jeg flyttede og hjalp mig med at indrette mit lille værelse hurtigt og omhyggeligt. Næsten alle, der kommer ind på mit værelse siger: ”Har du været i IKEA?” Jeg har kun få IKEA ting, men mit værelse er nordisk. Det er mig. Det er de 16 kvadratmetre i hele verden, hvor jeg kan lukke døren og være helt mig selv.
En ottende ting, som jeg står midt i lige nu og ikke har fundet svar på, er, hvordan jeg kan være mig selv, hvis jeg ved at være mig selv, træder andre folk over tæerne. Vi danskere er ligefremme, ærlige, kyniske, fremskridtsfokuserede og analyserende. Jeg føler, at jeg konstant er på vagt, så jeg ikke fornærmer folk omkring mig eller mister deres respekt men med det resultat, at jeg ofte føler mig falsk. Jeg håber, at jeg de næste måneder kan finde en måde at vise respekt for de andre omgangsformer og stadig være mig selv.
Her til slut vil jeg sige, at det hele lyder måske lidt nedtrykkende. Det er det ikke. Det er ren og skær realisme. Jeg er på vej igennem kulturchokket, og jeg glæder mig over de udfordringer, det har givet mig og sikkert også vil give mig fortsat. Jeg føler, at jeg allerede har lært så meget, som jeg ikke ville være foruden, og jeg har stor appetit på at lære mere.
Now it is almost half a year since I left Denmark and moved to Switzerland. And what have I learned so far? I have been travelling before for shorter or longer periods of time but to actually make a permanent move to another country is something completely different.
A few months after my move I began to search the internet for information about culture shock and that was a shock in itself. There wasn’t very much. Almost any article I found told me how I would feel and what I had the potential to learn. I agreed with how I was supposed to feel and it was a joy to know that almost everyone who had gone through a culture shock seemed to be happy about what it had brought them. But the question, I was left with was: How do I get through it? Are there any good advice or strategies that could help me? But all I heard was an empty echo.
Something else that has really shocked me has been the extremely bad advice people have given me. Sorry I am honest – can’t help it – I am Danish J Three times I tried to talk to people who had been abroad in mission for many, many years and all three times I was told off for feeling the way I felt. They all told me to love the “strangers” around me and accept them as they were. Yes, this was exactly what I wanted to do but how? Why were these older people so afraid of a bit of honesty? Had they really all forgotten how they felt themselves moving abroad or did they not want to admit it? I was very puzzled. What a relief it was to get home at Christmas and meet with an old friend, Lea, who has been abroad as a missionary too and she just answered me,”Yes, that is how it is. That is how you feel. Spot on!”
So before I also forget all my new “learned-it-the-hard-way wisdom” I will hurry and write it down.
First of all – one sentence that I read about culture shock seemed to stay with me and encourage me. And that was that the first year after leaving we are in shock. That is good to know. It is OK to feel what I am feeling, it is OK that I have no idea what is going on around me and that I don’t understand the reactions and values from the other nationalities. It is OK that my own core values are challenged and that this is hard! (On top of this I have had the extra challenge of not only dealing with one culture but plenty since I am part of a multi cultural team. And my culture is a minority in this team.)
Second of all it is OK that I don’t have the same strength at hand. It is OK that I have not got new friends so far and haven’t found a church (even if it doesn’t always seem OK when I tell this to people back home in Denmark) It is OK to put the legs up on the coffee table and watch a DVD almost every night the first months after work was finished because that was all I could handle. Or that I took a bath every second night during the whole winter.
Thirdly it is important to have something to laugh about. Honestly, there wasn’t much to laugh about the first months so I got into the habit of watching a few episodes of Friends almost every night. I think I got through most of the seasons in a couple of months.
Fourthly, you have to spoil yourself since no one else knows you well enough to do that.
Fifthly, you need someone who understands you. If you are married or have a friend with you or a fellow countryman around, then you already have a lot of advantages that I didn’t have. But I still had the phone around and Skype. However, after some time I realised that some of my old friends couldn’t really understand what I was going through and that was actually the hardest of it all. If you are a friend of someone who is going through a culture shock then just listen and ask good questions. Don’t give all those advice – they are useless. Sorry to tell you but that’s how it is. Fortunately some people kept on understanding me or pretended to understand me. Thanks a lot! That has made a world of a difference to me!
In this process God has become increasingly important to me. Every day I can come to him and tell him how I feel and what I don’t understand. He doesn’t tell me off and if he corrects me, he does it with such gentleness and humour. Hi is awesome!
I have also discovered the importance of my international colleagues who has also experienced to move country. Even if they are not a part of my everyday life then it is a big privilege when they visit our headquarter.
Seventhly, it has also been extremely important for me that my home was a home. I am so grateful that my brother Jacob went with me when I moved and helped me to fix everything in my room and in our kitchen. Almost everyone who visits my room says, “So you have been to IKEA?” Actually I only have very few things from IKEA but my style is Scandinavian. It’s me! These are the 16 square meters in the whole world where I can close the door and be ME 100 % unlimited.
One last thing that I still don’t know how to handle is the fact I don’t know how to be me without stepping on other peoples cultures. Danes are very direct, honest, cynical, non-traditional and analytic. I feel that I am constantly alert trying not to insult anyone (because I know I would if I would just be me) but the result is that from time to time a feel a bit fake (deceitful seem too strong a word to use). I hope that within the next months I can find a way where I can be myself and still show respect for other cultures.
Finally I want to say that this might sound a bit depressing but it is not. I have just tried to describe with honesty how it is and what I have learned. And I am super exited about the challenges this culture shock has given me and will give me. I feel I have already learned so much and developed myself so much that I am eager to learn more.
Efter et par måneder i Schweiz begyndte jeg at søge på nettet efter informationer om kulturchok, og det var i sig selv et chok. Der var nemlig ikke særlig meget. Stort set alle de artikler, jeg fandt handlede om, hvordan man havde det og hvad man kunne få ud af at gå igennem et kulturchok. Jeg kunne nikke bekræftende til, hvordan man har det, og det glædede mig, at stort set alle, der har prøvet det, ender med at sige, at det var en virkelig stor personlighedsudvikling. Men det spørgsmål, jeg sad tilbage med var: Men hvordan kommer jeg igennem det? Er der nogle gode råd eller strategier, der kan hjælpe mig? Men her hørte man kun et hult ekko.
En anden ting, der virkelig har chokeret mig i denne proces har været de utrolig dårlige råd, jeg har fået fra folk. Undskyld jeg er ærlig – men jeg er altså dansker... Tre gange forsøgte jeg at tale med nogle missionærer, der havde været længe i mission i andre lande og som jeg tilfældigvis rendte ind i. Alle tre gange fik jeg nærmest en opsang om bare at elske alle disse ”giraffer” omkring mig og acceptere dem, som de var. Ja, det var også hvad jeg ønskede at gøre, men hvordan? Hvorfor var de så forskrækkede over, at jeg viste dem lidt tillid og ærlighed om, hvordan jeg havde det? Havde de virkelig selv glemt alle de følelser, som kogte rundt i dem, da de selv første gang kom til et nyt land? Eller ville de bare ikke indrømme det? Hvor var det befriende, da jeg kom hjem til jul og talte med Lea, der selv har rejst ud som missionær, og hun bare sagde: ”Ja, sådan er det! Sådan føles det. Lige præcis!”
Så inden, jeg selv glemmer al min hårdt tillærte ”visdom”, vil jeg skynde mig at skrive den ned.
For det første hang en sætning fast, som jeg læste om kulturchok, og det var, at det første år, efter man har forladt sit hjemland, er man i en choktilstand. Det synes jeg er godt at vide. Det er OK, at jeg er i chok, at jeg ikke fatter, hvad der foregår omkring mig, at jeg ikke forstår andre kulturers reaktionsmønstre og normer. At mine egne grundværdier gang på gang bliver udfordret og at det er svært. (Jeg har jo så haft den ekstra udfordring, at jeg ikke bare skal forholde mig til Schweiz (for det er egentlig ikke så svært) men til en masse nationaliteter, fordi jeg jo er en del af et multikulturelt team hvor min kultur er en minoritet.)
For det andet er det OK, at jeg ikke har haft det samme overskud. Det er i orden, at jeg ikke med det samme har fået etableret et netværk eller fundet en ny kirke at komme i (selv om det ikke altid virker helt accepteret, når jeg fortæller det til folk i Danmark). Det er i orden, at jeg smækker benene op og ser en DVD næsten hver aften efter arbejdstid, fordi det var det eneste, jeg havde overskud til, de første måneder. Eller tog karbad hver anden aften hele vinteren (bare rolig – Schweiz har ikke vandmangel og vi få vand fra vores egen kilde.)
For det tredje er det vigtigt at have noget at grine af. Der var ærlig talt ikke meget at grine af de første måneder i Schweiz, så jeg begyndte at se et par afsnit af Friends næsten hver aften. Her var der noget bekendt og sjovt. Jeg fik vist set de fleste sæsoner i løbet af et par måneder.
For det fjerde, så må man forkæle sig selv, for det er der nærmest ingen andre, der gør. Der er jo ingen, der elsker en eller ved, hvad der glæder en.
For det femte, så må man have en, der forstår en. Hvis man er gift eller har en ven eller landsmand i nærheden, så har man allerede et vældigt forspring, men hvis man ikke har det, så kan man måske ringe til nogen eller Skype. Men efter et stykke tid, så går det op for en, at hovedparten af ens gamle omgangskreds simpelthen ikke forstår det, man prøver at fortælle dem, og det har nærmest været det allersværeste. Hvis du er ven til en, der gennemgår et kulturchok, så bare lyt eller stil gode spørgsmål! Lad være med at komme med alle de gode råd. De dur ikke! Jeg er ked af at sige det, men sådan er det.
Heldigvis er der jo nogle, som enten forstår en eller lader som om de forstår en. Tak for det!
I denne proces er Gud for mig blevet en endnu vigtigere del af mit liv. Hver eneste dag kan jeg fortælle ham, hvad der går mig på og hvad jeg ikke forstår. Han fordømmer mig ikke. Og hvis han belærer mig, så gør han det med humor og stor visdom. Hurra for Gud.
Jeg har også opdaget, at mine internationale venner, som også har prøvet at flytte land, er blevet af større betydning. Det kan godt være, at de ikke er en del af min hverdag, men det er en glæde, når de kommer forbi vores hovedkvarter, hvilket heldigvis sker jævnligt.
For det syvende så har det været utrolig vigtig for mig at min hjemlige base var i orden. Hvor var det dejligt, at min bror Jacob tog med mig, da jeg flyttede og hjalp mig med at indrette mit lille værelse hurtigt og omhyggeligt. Næsten alle, der kommer ind på mit værelse siger: ”Har du været i IKEA?” Jeg har kun få IKEA ting, men mit værelse er nordisk. Det er mig. Det er de 16 kvadratmetre i hele verden, hvor jeg kan lukke døren og være helt mig selv.
En ottende ting, som jeg står midt i lige nu og ikke har fundet svar på, er, hvordan jeg kan være mig selv, hvis jeg ved at være mig selv, træder andre folk over tæerne. Vi danskere er ligefremme, ærlige, kyniske, fremskridtsfokuserede og analyserende. Jeg føler, at jeg konstant er på vagt, så jeg ikke fornærmer folk omkring mig eller mister deres respekt men med det resultat, at jeg ofte føler mig falsk. Jeg håber, at jeg de næste måneder kan finde en måde at vise respekt for de andre omgangsformer og stadig være mig selv.
Her til slut vil jeg sige, at det hele lyder måske lidt nedtrykkende. Det er det ikke. Det er ren og skær realisme. Jeg er på vej igennem kulturchokket, og jeg glæder mig over de udfordringer, det har givet mig og sikkert også vil give mig fortsat. Jeg føler, at jeg allerede har lært så meget, som jeg ikke ville være foruden, og jeg har stor appetit på at lære mere.
Now it is almost half a year since I left Denmark and moved to Switzerland. And what have I learned so far? I have been travelling before for shorter or longer periods of time but to actually make a permanent move to another country is something completely different.
A few months after my move I began to search the internet for information about culture shock and that was a shock in itself. There wasn’t very much. Almost any article I found told me how I would feel and what I had the potential to learn. I agreed with how I was supposed to feel and it was a joy to know that almost everyone who had gone through a culture shock seemed to be happy about what it had brought them. But the question, I was left with was: How do I get through it? Are there any good advice or strategies that could help me? But all I heard was an empty echo.
Something else that has really shocked me has been the extremely bad advice people have given me. Sorry I am honest – can’t help it – I am Danish J Three times I tried to talk to people who had been abroad in mission for many, many years and all three times I was told off for feeling the way I felt. They all told me to love the “strangers” around me and accept them as they were. Yes, this was exactly what I wanted to do but how? Why were these older people so afraid of a bit of honesty? Had they really all forgotten how they felt themselves moving abroad or did they not want to admit it? I was very puzzled. What a relief it was to get home at Christmas and meet with an old friend, Lea, who has been abroad as a missionary too and she just answered me,”Yes, that is how it is. That is how you feel. Spot on!”
So before I also forget all my new “learned-it-the-hard-way wisdom” I will hurry and write it down.
First of all – one sentence that I read about culture shock seemed to stay with me and encourage me. And that was that the first year after leaving we are in shock. That is good to know. It is OK to feel what I am feeling, it is OK that I have no idea what is going on around me and that I don’t understand the reactions and values from the other nationalities. It is OK that my own core values are challenged and that this is hard! (On top of this I have had the extra challenge of not only dealing with one culture but plenty since I am part of a multi cultural team. And my culture is a minority in this team.)
Second of all it is OK that I don’t have the same strength at hand. It is OK that I have not got new friends so far and haven’t found a church (even if it doesn’t always seem OK when I tell this to people back home in Denmark) It is OK to put the legs up on the coffee table and watch a DVD almost every night the first months after work was finished because that was all I could handle. Or that I took a bath every second night during the whole winter.
Thirdly it is important to have something to laugh about. Honestly, there wasn’t much to laugh about the first months so I got into the habit of watching a few episodes of Friends almost every night. I think I got through most of the seasons in a couple of months.
Fourthly, you have to spoil yourself since no one else knows you well enough to do that.
Fifthly, you need someone who understands you. If you are married or have a friend with you or a fellow countryman around, then you already have a lot of advantages that I didn’t have. But I still had the phone around and Skype. However, after some time I realised that some of my old friends couldn’t really understand what I was going through and that was actually the hardest of it all. If you are a friend of someone who is going through a culture shock then just listen and ask good questions. Don’t give all those advice – they are useless. Sorry to tell you but that’s how it is. Fortunately some people kept on understanding me or pretended to understand me. Thanks a lot! That has made a world of a difference to me!
In this process God has become increasingly important to me. Every day I can come to him and tell him how I feel and what I don’t understand. He doesn’t tell me off and if he corrects me, he does it with such gentleness and humour. Hi is awesome!
I have also discovered the importance of my international colleagues who has also experienced to move country. Even if they are not a part of my everyday life then it is a big privilege when they visit our headquarter.
Seventhly, it has also been extremely important for me that my home was a home. I am so grateful that my brother Jacob went with me when I moved and helped me to fix everything in my room and in our kitchen. Almost everyone who visits my room says, “So you have been to IKEA?” Actually I only have very few things from IKEA but my style is Scandinavian. It’s me! These are the 16 square meters in the whole world where I can close the door and be ME 100 % unlimited.
One last thing that I still don’t know how to handle is the fact I don’t know how to be me without stepping on other peoples cultures. Danes are very direct, honest, cynical, non-traditional and analytic. I feel that I am constantly alert trying not to insult anyone (because I know I would if I would just be me) but the result is that from time to time a feel a bit fake (deceitful seem too strong a word to use). I hope that within the next months I can find a way where I can be myself and still show respect for other cultures.
Finally I want to say that this might sound a bit depressing but it is not. I have just tried to describe with honesty how it is and what I have learned. And I am super exited about the challenges this culture shock has given me and will give me. I feel I have already learned so much and developed myself so much that I am eager to learn more.
3 kommentarer:
Kanskje DU skulle være den som gav ut en bok om emnet?! Ser ut som du har lært mye. Du er flink til å sette ord på ting. Her er vi nesten ferdig med Påskefestivalen. (Og jeg sitter her og skriver kommentar til blogg... Hehe.) Har vært veldig bra! Kos deg videre!
Hi Dorthe
Thinking about you. I understand what you´re going through (remember I had to get used to all you danes!!! - no easy job, let me tell you!!haha) Hang in there. We´ll do our part and keep praying for you. If you need to chat sometime I am often on skype my name is irisheyes5. I have also made a blog. (trying to keep up with the rest of you!) If you want to check it out its: www.lauraandkristianrasmussen.blogspot.com
Thanks, you guys! Good to have you in my life! And I think I am probably over the worst. I am encouraged and looking forward to the next months. Hugs, Dorthe
Send en kommentar